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lyricalred's Profile Picture
Artist | Student | Varied
United States
reader. writer. tea drinker. passionate proponent of geekery.

Hi, I'm jess.
I'm a full time college student/cat herder/coffee-fetcher for the really important people at my dad's entertainment agency. At the moment, I'm kind of the opposite of a directionless freshman- I have about 9 different plans (all the way from clinical psychology to physics to film production) and I've yet to settle on one to commit to completely.

I am passionately, intimately in love with Art.
I guess that's why I'm here! I admire and dabble in a wide variety of disciplines and styles, and (though I'm not a very social creature in the "real" world) I am ridiculously fond of the dA community.

I mostly post poetry here, but I occasionally submit other kinds of writing + sketches, paintings, and whatnot. I draw a lot of dragons... don't judge me. I also sometimes write how-to guides for cooking and crafts.

If you ever need or want to talk to someone/feel like making a strange, semi-anonymous internet friend, you know where to find me.

MBTI Type: INTJ (though perhaps more appropriately INTX)
Bake A Thing Volume 1: Cranberry + White-Chocolate Ginger Cookies
by lyricalred

Are you a bumbling baker? A clueless chef? A myopic maker of cookie-type things?
Do you want to make delicious food anyway?
Great! You've come to the right place. Join lyricalred, a reluctant, barely-competent cook (that's me!) on her journey to culinary enlightenment, and learn to bake a few things of your own along the way. We can get through this together.
Now it's time for the part of the show where lyricalred  sings a silly song  shows you how to Bake A Thing.

Hello, artistic deviants! It's that time of year when many of us (once again) try to enact those resolutions that seemed so important and achievable just a few weeks ago. My resolution for 2013 was to continue my unbroken streak of never watching an episode of Jersey Shore... and, also, to bake more things.

You see, it was recently brought to my attention that if left to my own devices for too long, I will subsist on a diet composed entirely of ramen noodles and peanut-butter toast. For some people (most notably, my grandmother) this is a crushing blow to my credibility as a self-sufficient human being.

As such, I've decided that it's high time I shake off my kitchen phobia and get down to the business of making food that doesn't come packaged in a microwave-ready bowl. (update: I've been informed that you are NOT actually supposed to put Cup O' Noodles in the microwave. Oops!)

Because "real food" still intimidates me, I decided that the best starting point for this endeavor would be cookies. They're (in this case) fairly straightforward and very helpful if the you are the kind who enjoys wooing young ladies and/or showing off at parties.

I've seen plenty of variations of this cookie on the internet, but what follows is a recipe for Cranberry White-Chocolate Ginger Cookies, adapted to my cheapness laziness inability to follow directions brilliant chef's intuition. Alright, let's dive in!


:bulletblue: 1 cup all-purpose flour
:bulletblue: teaspoon baking soda
:bulletblue: teaspoon salt
:bulletblue: teaspoon ground ginger
:bulletblue: 1 large egg
:bulletblue: cup packed brown sugar
:bulletblue: ⅓ cup vegetable oil (or canola oil, if you like that sort of thing)
:bulletblue: 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
:bulletblue: cup quick-cooking or old-fashioned oats (NOT instant)
:bulletblue: 2 ounces white chocolate, chopped OR ⅓ cup white chocolate chips
:bulletblue: ⅓ cup dried cranberries (or blueberries or cherries, if you are fancy)
:bulletblue: cup crystallized ginger, chopped into itty-bitty pieces
       (Note: I did this with a knife, which was tedious and stupid and sort of dangerous for a person as prone to clumsiness as I am. I suggest that you chop your ginger with a food processor or ChopWow! or whatever other as-seen-on-tv chopping device your undoubtedly well-meaning aunt got you a few Christmases ago.)


:bulletblue: 2 mixing bowls; one large, one small
:bulletblue: Measuring cups of various sizes
:bulletblue: A whisk
:bulletblue: A large mixing spoon
:bulletblue: 2 medium-sized cookie sheets (ungreased)
:bulletblue: A metal spatula or spatula-equivalent

Got all that? Good. Let's get started.

1. Preheat oven to 375F. Ensure that racks are positioned in the upper and lower thirds of the oven. (This is easiest to do BEFORE the oven reaches 375.)

2. Set up your workspace. Make sure you have a clean, non-threatening space with all of your ingredients/tools within reach. I use this time to plug-in some iPod speakers and create a "Making Cookies" playlist. Aerosmith and AC/DC, aww yeah. (Note: music that will induce head-banging is not recommended, due to practical hair-in-cookie-dough considerations.)

3. Whisk the flour, baking soda, salt, and ground ginger together in your small bowl. If you are me, turn down your music because even though "Rock and Roll Ain't Noise Pollution" your brother is trying to do his homework and could you please at least try to be considerate?

4. In the large bowl, whisk the egg, brown sugar, oil, and vanilla. They should be glossy and well combined (no lumps! :iconlspplz: ) before you move on.

5. Add the dry ingredients (small bowl) to the wet (large bowl) and stir to combine. The dough will end up sort of dry and hard to mix; DO NOT give in to the temptation to add water. You're almost done. If you are me, this is the part where you struggle to whisk the ever-thickening ingredients together before switching to a spoon and realizing that you are an idiot.

6. Mix in oats, cranberries, white chocolate, and crystallized ginger. As I mentioned earlier, the dough is pretty dry now and it will not want to accept the chocolate. Stir with tenacity and it will eventually (sort of) stick together. If you are me, realize that you forgot to chop up your ginger and contemplate leaving it out entirely because you are THAT lazy.

7. Drop by rounded tablespoonfuls onto your cookie sheets. Because of the dough's reluctance to bond with the ingredients from step 6, bits of chocolate and cranberries will probably cause some of your cookies-to-be to fall apart. Squish them back together or eat the stray bits and disregard everything you've ever been taught about raw eggs.

8. Bake for 10 minutes, or until puffed and barely golden around the edges. Halfway through baking, switch pans back-to-front and top-to-bottom. (If you are going to injure yourself, this is the step where it will occur- please for the love of all things holy WEAR DECENT OVEN MITTS.) Also: if you are even a little bit like me, you will want to ignore everything I've said about this step and wander off for those 10 minutes. DO NOT DO THAT! You are lazy and that is a deeply unattractive quality. If you do not switch the pans out, your cookies will burn and you will be very sad.

9. Remove cookies to cool. Use your spatula or spatula-equivalent to slide the cookies onto tinfoil or a wire cooling rack. Resist the urge to eat them until they are less likely to burn you.

10. And, finally... behold, for now you have become Cookie Monster, destroyer of low-carb diets. Revel in self-congratulatory bliss and devour your cookies.

If you made cookies of your own, how did they turn out? Is there a recipe or type of food you'd like to see featured in Bake A Thing? Let me know in the comments or a note!

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LightningMcTurner Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the watch. :D
MegAnime1 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2013
:icondragonshy2: :iconthankyou1::iconthankyou2: for the :iconfav3dplz:on My ArtWork “ me and my art " :hug:
MegAnime1 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2013
:hug: Thanks for the :llama: now I’ll give you :llama: too :tighthug:
kamschuebel Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
you need to draw more! ur sketches are dope
SovereignSin Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much for the fave!
Maclafel7 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
tahnks for de llama!!
IpomeaTricolor Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
thanks for the fav :hug:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you for the watch and such undeserved kindness ;u; you're wonderful!
lyricalred Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student General Artist
1nkl1ng Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013
Thanks for the fave! :)
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